So ARE you ???
I know I was!
When I would have an intimate sexual connection it would open me so deeply…
And then afterwards…my mind and body continued to be deeply affected by the experience.
I would feel him. Think of him constantly. I would check my fb messages constantly.
(Please note- for me this is a ‘him’ but your partner might be a her, don’t let my language limit you from receiving some insights from my message if this is resonating with you.)
I would be yearning and burning,
and often, obsessing…
And on top of those feelings, I would tell myself “I shouldn’t be so ‘attached’”.
Sometimes the man in question would ALSO imply that “I shouldn’t be so attached”…
I was using this concept of "I should not be attached" to shame the feelings that I was naturally feeling. I judged those feelings. Therefore often when the connection was over, not only did I feel heartbroken, I felt hopelessly un-evolved.
We do this by labeling our elements of our experience as ‘unspiritual’ and often we do not even know we are doing it. Also many of the spiritual principles are interpreted in a way that actively supports this concept.
At the same time it seems that our incredible yearning for love can become overwhelming, and possibly distorted, when focused on another human being with whom we are engaging with on a sexual/romantic level.
It took me years to recognize that I was guilty of both the shaming and the distortion.
But my approach has changed.
I would like to share with you insights that have helped me to STOP shaming my full feeling being, stop allowing others to shame my sensitive heart AND navigate intimate connections with awareness and deep self honor.
I also wish to present the possibility that there ARE ways that you CAN:
- Navigate intimate connections WIHOUT creating a huge drama,
- Open to your emotional nature WITHOUT it getting messy and complicated.
- Surrender to intimacy AND stay connected to your own heart and power.
- Have spiritual breakthroughs through navigating your intimate journey consciously.
It took me years to discover this (and I still find it challenging at times!)
But I have studied my own experience deeply
and found some shit that REALLY HELPS.
#1 - Accept your sensItive heart
As a woman (or just as a human being) feeling is your super power.
The feminine opens and receives and reveals; that is her nature.
So it stands to reason that it is ok to be deeply affected by intimate sharing’s. In fact it’s a good sign!
It means that you are OPEN and not shut down.
Your heart, as well as your yoni (vagina) and womb are DESIGNED TO BE SENSITIVE.
You are a woman, not a Buddha.
(Yes you also have a ‘Buddha nature’ - a wise soul that knows it is intrinsically connected to all this is and there fore has no need to ‘get attached’ to any one/thing/ experience.)
But you probably also have a womb, heart and yoni that gets deeply touched by intimacy.
To be touched by intimacy involves deep trust. It affects us on a fundamental level.
In the space of being deeply touched and ‘seen’, you open like a flower and that opening can be very profound, and also very TENDER.
And how precious is that?
The point here is that feeling, loving, yearning, opening to vulnerability and your receptive nature, is not ‘unspiritual’ - it’s beautiful.
You can quit shaming that capacity to feel and master it instead.
#2 - Honor your Needs
So you’re a sensitive being. Perhaps you are in a process of reclaiming your capacity for vulnerability.
So it is up to you to create the ideal conditions to support this.
It’s up to you to get clear on what your needs are;
what supports you to stay feeling centered
and connected as you soften and open.
I would suggest that you create lots of NOURISHING TIME WITH YOUR SELF to allow all the feelings that are arising in you as you open to your sensitive nature to be held in your own loving presence.
So this could look like taking the time to rest somewhere cozy and nourishing, with your hands on your belly and just breathing into what you are feeling.
To have regular nourishing time like this is a way of learning to BE with yourself on a deep feeling level (ie- not in your mind creating stories but focusing what is being shown to you NOW).
The major advantage of creating the time and space to really devote yourself to FEELING YOUR FEELINGS on a sensory level, is that you are less likely to create and act out dramas from a place of not ‘feeling met’.
#3 - Create containers that can hold your experience
When you honor and value your own sensitivity, you are actively engaging with ‘holding space’ for yourself, and cultivating the ability to feel safe in your own body.
With the knowledge of how that feels, you can open this out into the realm of your intimate relating with others.
A supportive ‘container’ for you may look like:
- Choosing to not have sex until an energetic/ heart connection has been made.
- Insisting on partners who have respect for your emotional needs and can hold a space of presence (ie- stay present and not shut down) when ‘stuff’ comes up for you.
- Choosing to create a dialogue with your intimate partners about how they can support you (and vice versa of course).
#4 - Choose partners who can honoUr your needs
If being with someone throws you out of your power; notice that.
Perhaps this person is not ready or willing to honor your needs as a full feeling woman. Without judgment you might want to choose not to put yourself in the frying pan with someone who is not able to be there to hold what comes up.
Notice if he is not on board- and adjust accordingly.
Maybe he is just not that into you.
Look after your sweet self. Choose willing accomplices.
#5 - Don't "leave yourself" or lose perspective
Well sometime this is kind of hard isn’t it??
If you are at least willing to TRY and stay tuned into the BIGGER PICTURE.
And you are committed to connecting to the love WITHIN you whilst you relate (rather than losing connection with yourself and reaching out to grab the love…)
Well then this helps soooo much…
( MORE about HOW to do this in upcoming articles and my Intimacy and Relating Webinar Series)
It is not WHAT you do, but how aware you are of what you do, and how well you share your truth AND stay connected to that truth, all along the way.
I hope that this has inspired to see that you can use the WHOLE of your experience as a sensitive woman as a spiritual journey, an opportunity to explore yourself and express yourself and deepen your relationship to yourself, and your intimate partners.
Surely its time for us to collectively move past this wrong/right, spiritual/ non-spiritual paradigm, that starts with the way we accept, or don’t accept, our own sensitivity.
I HOPE THIS HAS BEEN HELPFUL!!
AND I HOPE THAT YOU NO LONGER NEED TO SHAME THAT SENSTIVE HEART OF YOURS!!!!!
How can I help you now!