Really good love making is not just about groaning with pleasure, it can also be about crying with abandon.
Most women are holding deep levels of shame - self hatred and unworthiness in their bodies
This is held as actual tension and corresponding energetic blockages.
Sex that is loving, and imbued with presence and devotion has the ability to release these blockages
The layers of holding can be accessed in the container of safety and the fire of sexual desire WHEN we REALLY open to the energy moving inside of us (with sound , movement , breath, willingness, unconditional acceptance,
presence and LOVE)
For when we do then fresh life force energy comes flooding through, washing us clear of the past, knocking up against the debris that we have held in our energy bodies and bringing it to the fore.
Anything that wasn’t felt or expressed in the past, may come up to be felt, accepted, expressed as a cleansing - a clearing.
If this happens then all that is needed is to let it happen!
Embody the emotion fully as an offering at the temple of conscious awareness,
You don’t need to understand WHAT or WHY but to TRUST that what was hidden is making its way to the light.
All you need to ‘do’ is welcome it, in all its different flavors,
Like in Rumi’s famous poem ‘the guest house’ all you need to do when the different flavors of emotion show up is stand at the door laughing (or in this case crying)
Whether it is self hatred, shame, the pain of separation, unworthiness, whatever… allow it its voice, the outpouring will come to pass in its own time, as long as it is fully allowed.
If you are a lover with the honor to witness this, you have the perfect opportunity to be a part of a precious healing, your willingness to stay present and open and supportive is incredible balm to the woman gloriously falling apart/cracking open to the free flow of energy and love.
Don’t freak out, don’t try and fix it, keep looking at her, loving her, saying yes to the energy flowing through her. You will find that it is a glorious avalanche that gracefully dissipates in its own time, your only job you could say is to NOT shut down or space out.
How to invite your man to support you if he has not done this kind of thing before?
1. You model it.
You do this by taking the time to feel, honour, and explore what you are feeling moment by moment.
2. Let him know what you are feeling.
For example 'I am noticing that I am beginning to feel very sad/ afraid/ angry' or ' I am noticing that I just began to feel heaviness/tension in my belly.' or ' I am noticing myself shutting down' basically , rather than hide it, express it.
3. Let him know how we can support you in this moment.
For example 'Would you be able to hold me as I have a cry'? or whatever else would be supportive for you to continue 'being with ' your experience without shutting down from him and / or freaking out and going into a defensive pattern.
Get him on board- on the same team as you, recognise that you are working together to create more understanding , connection and freedom.
Your shared presence of the moment to moment unfolding within you and between you is a potent healer, trust that.
In the experience that I had that inspired me to write this article my request had been for my lover to continue to make love to me even though I knew I was about to cry. Because I let him know what my experience was, that it was not about him doing anything wrong, and also was clear about what I needed, then this became a deeply beautiful healing experience for both os us.
How beautiful that lovemaking has the capacity to heal us
on a fundamental level !!!!
This is written in the spirit of service to the healing of collective sexual trauma.As we clear out our own personal 'stuff' we bring more love and awareness into the world for all to benefit. . Keep on opening sisters and thank you to the brothers supporting us in this radical healing!