The term  ‘emotionally unavailable' has become common these days, the following is a survival guide for relating to emotionally unavailable men. 

What if a sexual connection arises with someone, who you can kind of tell is ‘unavailable emotionally‘ (as in, not in a position to meet you in the depths that you yearn to be met )…BUT you still want to explore this connection? this article helps you to navigate that often sticky territory.

If you are..

1. Currently attracting emotionally unavailable lovers

2. Dying to know how to manage casual intimacy without getting hurt.

3.OR if you would like to BREAK OUT of the pattern of attracting unavailable lovers.

Then this is for you!

First of all,

This is not to ‘diss’ the unavailable men (and remember that women can be emotionally unavailable too !!!) ...and anyway across the board I feel it is important to keep in mind that

It is everyone's right to be where they are at.​

If someone chooses to not go deep, and look at his/her stuff, he probably just cannot right now, or is unwilling to at this point.

I recommend accepting this, and taking responsibility for yourself instead.

In my experience you cannot MAKE anyone show up for you in a deep way, unless they WANT to.

Although you might like to think you can - It is not your job to open another being.

This can ONLY happen if it happens naturally. The thing you CAN do to encourage this is to stay true, clear, open and loving to your own heart and wisdom (aka self responsibility and strong self love- see the survival guide at the bottom of the page for clear guidance on what this looks like)

What I learnt from my experience of relating to emotionally available men that I feel NEEDS to be spoken is this;

If your lover is not willing  or ready to 'go deep', and you are, and you dive into the dance of intimacy with them there WILL probably be consequences. The following points illustrate why.

You are powerful...and sensitive..

Energetically open and emotionally available women are powerful transmuters and magnifiers of energy and consciousness.

As a woman who is sensitive and conscious (either through just being an awake and ‘in tune’ women or you have done some inner work and healing and released a lot of blockages in your system), you are an activated field of SHAKTI (feminine power).

Don’t underestimate your ability to activate, magnify and ‘take on’ the energetic ‘stuff’ of the men who enter your field and/or, quite literally, enter YOU.

Sexual Intimacy is powerful...

When you share intimacy of a sexual nature with a partner then your two energetic fields begin to interact intimately too. You begin to share energy and activate different aspects of each others personal energy systems...our sexual organs are particularly loaded with emotional and karmic material. 

So basically if you interact with someone sexually it is likely that STUFF COMES UP. Whatever is unconscious in the field, whether it’s his stuff or yours, will arise to be seen/felt/ healed – (in other words- to be processed).

If you are both fully signed up for that journey – then this is an absolutely awesome opportunity to

But if one person is not willing to show up to meet and transform the material that comes up, then the other person WILL PROBABLY END UP PROCESSING THE ‘STUFF’ FOR THE TWO OF YOU.​

Often, this is the more sensitive one who is embodying the feminine in this relating dynamic (usually, but not always of course, the woman).

So how does that look in real life relating?

What this often looks like is the sensitive (feminine) partner feeling confused, sad, scattered and disturbed sometime after the intimacy if there is not a mutual willingness to address and harmonise the 'stuff that has come up'.

Has this ever happened to you? And you didn’t know why you were so disturbed after only one or two sexual interactions with someone?

Did you feel ashamed for being so ‘emotional’?​

Perhaps you are not an emotional freak; perhaps you are just a sensitive being who has tapped into a whole field of energetic and emotional ‘stuff’, and without creating the right container to hold that ‘stuff, with a person who is not into meeting (and actively transforming) that ‘stuff’.

Here is your quick survival guide for navigating your way through this (skilfully);

#1 - Go in with your eyes open

Recognize what is really happening – don’t delude yourself ! If this person is giving off the signs that he/she is not ready to have a deep interaction with you ( and wants to keep things 'casual' ) then this  he/she probably isn’t willing or capable to be full emotionally available with you.….

Therefore accessing how 'IN this' he/she is helps you to stay clear about whats going on. This is an important act of self care- especially if you are energetically sensitive or learning to be!!!

Also you might want to check in with yourself about what YOU really want. You might be deluding yourself to thing that you want/ can handle casual intimacy. Is there something driving you towards attracting sexual experiences that might lack deep intimacy? Have a look at that and explore what is going on there.

#2 - know what the price tag is

Know that there is a possibility that feelings will arise as a result of your intimacy. If your partner is not emotionally available this means that  you will have to essentially ' hold' and process this stuff yourself…
So are you good for that?

Reflect and make a conscious choice! Here are questions to help that process:

  • Am I willing to process what comes up? possibly for for the both of us?
  • Can I hold my experience and not be wounded by it?

For myself, as I know I am quite sensitive the answer to these questions would mostly be NO… BUT….after working on myself a hell of a lot, I see I have developed the ability to hold my experience very well. If this sounds like you, then you can therefore ask the following questions:

  • Will it serve my evolution to say yes to this and work
      with it consciously as a way to learn, grow, expand?
  • Or will I honor myself more by saying 'NO' and choosing
    partners/ containers that serve?


What do you need to feel safe, respected and balanced (and for things not to get super messy?)

You need to know this for yourself and to be able to communicate your needs clearly.

( No, this is not usually easy for you but it IS the key to mature and clean and clear relating)

For instance after one experience I realised that I absolutely needed next day follow up after any sexual encounter, including penetration or not. I then understood to own this need and communicate it.

If you could do with some guidance and support as you learn do know and communicate your needs in a way that feel good for you, then you can book in a session with me here

Knowing what your true needs are can save you weeks/months/ years of ‘processing’ over a person
who you slept with only a number of times.

Lastly, I want to say that it is a gift to the universe to look after your own true needs, and save your energy for awakening, rather than getting lost in an emotional abyss again and again...( I learnt this the hard way guys lol ) xxx

Get my Free E book below for techniques to tune up your body to help you attract emotionally available partners 🙂

Share the Shakti!
a couple of years ago

Click Here to Leave a Comment Below