The more I work with women, the more I witness the frustration that women feel when they are unable to relax, let go and TRUST, in other words SURRENDER.
On some level we know that part of being placed here in a feminine body is to be open and receptive to love, to not harden ourselves against the world and live with suspicion and fear.
Unfortunately the reality is that most of us women were conditioned to fear rather than trust, hold on rather than let go, dim our light rather than happily, confidently unashamedly beam it out into the world.
We hold this conditioning in our
bodies, as rigidity, stiffness.
The fearful voice, both conscious
and unconscious, whispering
to us messages like
'you are not good enough' and
'what will people think'
which causes us to shut down
and close off.
Often there is an underlying (and usually unexplored) belief that it is not a safe world, it is not safe to shine our light, be sexy and confident and claim the love, the fullness, the depth, the magic.
Or perhaps we are disillusioned by life, by the pain we have felt, the pain we have witnessed, the pain we can feel deep down inside and are afraid to visit because we fear it will be too over whelming if we ‘go there’.
How do we break free of this need to control everything and the total exhaustion that comes with that?
I truly believe that surrender is an ability we can cultivate.
We learnt the patterns of fear and control, we can also un-learn
and re-learn the capacity to surrender.
#1 - make a choice
What do you really want?
To go through life shut down?
Sure it might feel ‘safer’ but it also sucks. When you are shut down, you are not open to love, either from yourself or anyone else. It comes to a point where you have to decide that you would rather face your fears, rather than go through life hard and closed.
Are you willing to let go and meet the fears you have around that?
Are you willing to trust yourself, and trust life?
Making this conscious choice to ALLOW life to touch you deeply, this is the first step.
#2 - clear the basement
We all have emotional baggage, we are not alone in that one, and yet if we keep that locked up, then we will never break through to the other side. It can be scary to be vulnerable, so you probably will need some loving help along the way.
Seek out the support that can hold you as you officially ' go there ' and meet your fears of rejection, abandonment etc. For example supportive community, tantra workshops, coaches, healers etc.
(Be discerning of course, very discerning, and also be OPEN to attracting the exact people, practices and experiences that you need to heal enough to develop a deeper trust of life. )
Unless you ‘go there’ you will be carrying around that baggage on some level, preventing you from realizing your potential as a woman.
#3- develop your base level of surrender
This is where feminine practices come in…these practices take your awareness out of your mind and back into your Wild Sacred Feminine body, the only place where surrender can be re-learned.
These practices help you to feel the more subtle layers of your experience, so instead of feeling fear and getting shut down by it, you can begin to experience fear as a kind of energy, an energy you can work with.
Feminine practices help you to remember your
natural feminine ability to relax deeply.
They help you to develop a base level of relaxation that you can always return to, what I call your ‘ base level of surrender’. The more you cultivate that state of deep relaxation the more you will be able to trust the magic that happens when you feel relaxed and open.
Feminine practices also help you to tap into the wisdom
and power in your vagina, your ovaries and breasts,
and the nourished by this energy.
Rather than going through life in a state of ‘coping’ you can tap into the potential you have as a woman to be radiant, fully alive and connected to the energy and the wisdom both within you and all around you.
#4 - take it one loving moment at a time
Surrender is going to look different for everyone, honor your unique expression of surrender.
A surrendered you is a happy, loving and open you. Every breath is an opportunity for another small surrender, so just take it breath by breath, and enjoy the ride, the contractions and the expansions. It is all a part of your journey into a deeper relationship to you, and to life. And this leads to a deeper relationship with everyone in your life, especially your intimate partners.
If you do not know yet how it is to surrender to a man in a way that feels nourishing and empowering, you have something to look forward to. This is another beautiful aspect of the journey which usually only comes in a healthy way after doing the preliminary work with yourself.
In conclusion I would like to talk about surrender FEELS like; it might not be that same for you but
hopefully this serves to inspire…
Surrender feels like a deep acceptance of who you are and your
limitations, it feels like a warm soft belly that can breathe long and full of all the good things that life and love has to offer.
It feels like overflowing love, open, innocent, delighted, ecstatic. And deeply ok.
It creates the kind of relaxation that reflects a sense of TRUST in ourselves, in life.
It also feels like ‘fuck it’ I do not have to try and be anything, I am good as I am, I am worthy, I am strong enough to soften fully into this experience in the moment, this moment that life has designed for me. I trust the perfection of this and know that I am wise enough to choose to be in environments that nourish me, therefore I have nothing to fear, I trust myself and I know when to say NO and I am able to say YES too. I am open and permeable and I feel SAFE, and I check in moment by moment to see where I am at, I notice when I have tensed up and I take a nice long deep breath, I remember that I am safe, loved, held, supported and invite my body back to softness, safety and surrender.