Shame robs us of our self worth, our self confidence, a fulfilling connection to our sexuality and in the process it cuts us off from vital energy supply.
Shame, quite literally, sucks!
The great news is that there is a way out of the shame game…
Read on to learn empowering ways to meet, accept and heal those places inside of you where you hold shame. So you can claim a shame -free reality where you feel great about who you are.
When we feel ashamed we feel small and worthless, and it is incredibly debilitating. When we feel shame about our bodies, and who we are, then shame holds a strong power over us, sucking our life force into its shadowy grip.
There are many kinds of shame, some we inherit, some we create in our formative years, and often we recreate our shame story over and over again through our inner self critic’s unkind dialogue.
And sometimes shame is subtle and sneaky.. we call people into our lives who play the shame game with us ….there are so many ways that we can come under the power of shame and consciously or unconsciously play the shame game.
#1 Be there for yourself uncompromisingly
Shame is all about telling ourselves that who we are/what we have done/ what we feel, is unlovable, unacceptable and wrong.
Yet when we dedicate ourselves to the knowing that every single part of ourselves is inherently OK, judgment transforms into compassion.
As conscious evolving women ( and men!) loving self acceptance is pretty much the most potent alchemical tool we can use.
Unconditional love melts shame, it might take time, but it will, and we can cultivate this for ourselves. But it helps to
'get to know' our shame first.
Here are a few more more pointers on how to stop playing the ‘ shame game’.
#2 explore the shame
When your voice goes all funny, when your shoulders droop, when you have trouble keeping the gaze of another. These are all good telltale signs that the shadow of shame is present.
Notice how shame feels in your body
When we feel a feeling that we absolutely do not want to feel (it could be numbness in your sexual organs, it could be your desire, it could be your longings and achings and fear of exposure….) whatever it is, if we turn away from it, shame has done its job of leading us away from meeting and loving a part of ourselves…
So here is a trick, instead of turning away, explore it, become fascinated.
How exactly does it feel?
Is there a story line attached to it?
Can you be with it or do you distract yourself from it?
I recommend doing something different and taking the time to create a loving space for yourself to feel the shame and feel beyond the shame,
Be there for yourself, without compromise, invite the shameful feelings in for tea, feed it sweetness, unbridled compassion, take it into your embrace as the lost outlawed shunted traveler that it is. Give it a Home in you heart.
What is the shame telling you?
Once shame is accepted you can investigate what the shame is telling you…is it an indicator that you are doing something out of integrity OR, as is often the case, it is showing you where you do not accept yourself the way that you are..
#3 share your shame in a space of love
Stop hiding your shame away!!
I found that when i spoke about my shame, that this has been the most effective way to disempower what i felt ashamed.
Have you had something that you felt really really awful about and you kept it to yourself and then when you finally did speak about it, sure you felt exposed for a bit, and it hurt, but then after that died down, you felt totally liberated?
Yep that is how it seems to work.
What we own and meet with love is drained of shame
One amazing sister who I have had the privilege of spilling my heart and guts to on occasion, shared with me the following story.
At a moment when she had received a hurtful careless comment, she had gone to the mirror and looked at herself and watched herself cry. She opened her heart to herself as she did it, she did not shame that broken piece of herself, that hurt aching part; she met it and she loved it, she asked what it needed. It needed love! She gave that love through her simple willingness to see it and meet it with compassion.
Learn from this amazing woman, we are all teachers and healers to each other on this crazy path of life. We have an awesome capacity to love, we need to direct this at ourselves.
In the words of the Buddha; (I have paraphrased but you get the gist….).
‘You will not find anyone in the whole universe more worthy of love than yourself’
Did you get that? In other words…
Our hearts are big enough for every single damn bit of us, and we can extend the space to hold the wounded parts of each other too, in this way we alter the fabric of this world and dissolve the collective shame
This is the revolution we are living.
When chunks of shame become lightened and freed through our clear seeing and radical love, we become more whole, more alive, more real.
There is more space, more depth, more love.
And isn’t that what we hunger for?
Mine the depth of your being and you will find yourself free of the shame game and shining in the light of your own hard won truth.