Yes it was numb, I knew that and that was a disturbing and confusing fact. It is not that my yoni (aka my vagina) had no feeling at all, yet it was certainly numb, and I knew there must be SO much more sensation and pleasure available to me as a woman.
I had no idea why it was desensitized or how to heal this, in fact I had no idea that what I needed was healing. No one ever spoke about this! I assumed everyone else was a naturally vibrant sexual diva and I was the freak. I felt resigned to my fate at some level, as I quite simply did not know what to do and felt too ashamed to ask anyone,
I felt like something must be wrong with me…
Does any of this sound familiar?
Fortunately life took me on an interesting journey to ‘un-numb’ my yoni. And I would love to share this with you, as I am sure I wasn’t the first, nor will I be the last to experience this phenomenon.
I want every woman to know the delicious pleasure of having a yoni that feels utterly available to the flow of vital life energy coursing through it.
I want every woman to understand how powerful she is as a sexually activated woman and how she can engage with a process of healing and reawakening of her sexuality both on her own and with the help of others.
I want to highlight some possible reasons for desensitization of our sexual organs. Indeed for so many women this comes a result of sexual abuse of some description. But this can also be a result of any sexual experiences that did not feel completely safe and sacred and honoring.
And really, how many women have had those sorts of experiences?
Yes that’s right. Pretty much all of them as far as I can tell…
In a culture where conscious sex is not exactly the mainstay and real sexual education is wanting….is it any wonder that many of us find that our sexuality has not had the right soil in which to blossom ?? And consequently our sexual organs have lost their capacity to feel the full breadth of pleasure that is available to us.
We as women are sooo sensitive, that is our gift, the oh so tender tissues of our intimate area are like the petals of flowers, soft and tender and designed to open fully in the presence of love.
Our sexual anatomy is remarkably responsive,
it is designed to feel and respond to loving touch.
But the flip side of this is that when these incredibly responsive tissues do receive sensitive touch then they can close off and contract.
Also, when we are not able to process feelings that arise in sexual experiences, then the unexpressed and unprocessed emotions can get stored in these tissues - and numbness develops as a result.
Many women have become habitually contracted and numb in this area. The numbness is essentially a defense against feeling pain, there is sadness, anger, frustration and grief locked up beneath the numbness, therefore often what is needed to restore full feeling, is healing, the process of coming back to wholeness, our natural sexual innocence and vitality.
When we are able to access, express and release these stored emotions, in a safe and supportive space, we are set free. The numbness dissolves and fresh life-force is invited back in, to flow freely, nourishing us with pleasure and vitality.
Sexual healing is available in different forms, here are the ways that I have found to un-numb my yoni and transform my sexuality in the process.
#1 - sacred self pleasure
At some point I realized that to reclaim sensitivity and a positive relationship to my sexuality then I had to make sexuality sacred for myself. So the first step of my healing journey began with what I like to call ‘Sacred self pleasure.’
Despite the fact that I had not been raised with strong religious influences, a sense of sexual pleasure being ‘dirty’ had somehow slipped into my subconscious. Sexual pleasure was accompanied by a subtle sense of shame and self-pleasuring was NOT recognized as a spiritual practice.
But I needed to make it one.
So how did I do that?
I would touch myself and receive the sensation as a gift from the goddess. Self-pleasuring became sacred because I made it sacred, I used this time to re-educate my approach to my sexual life and combine this with my spiritual life.
I kept opening my heart to the feelings that arose in me as I touched myself, I loved myself through shame, through disgust, through fear... and found that all this ultimately dropped away in the face of my loving attention.
This ‘work’ I did with myself was an all-important first step towards reclaiming a nourishing connection with my sexual energy. Get FREE Guidance on that below..
#2 - TANTRIC YONI MASSAGE
I did not know exactly what it would involve, yet somehow I knew that Tantric yoni massage was part of what I needed for my healing, and I felt a deep sense of trust in the therapist healers that came my way.
You have to trust your healer!
More than anyone else perhaps, sexual healers need to be in the highest integrity, Fortunately I had enough self respect to attract healers who embodied this, and with this sense of trust, I was able to receive the profound gifts of yoni massage.
The true medicine of Yoni massage is imparted through the yoni being met with loving skillful touch by a deeply present and loving person in a sacred space. This kind of healing has the power to initiate huge emotional releases and powerful healing. This was my experience. It was profound, opening me in ways that I could not have imagined.
#3- MEDITATE on your yoni!
When we focus our devoted presence back into the subtle sensations of our yonis then we can reawaken the sense of aliveness and subsequent sensitivity.
Have you ever been guided to meditate on the sensations in your sexual organs?
Funnily enough most of us have not been encouraged to become truly intimate with our intimate areas...
Our sexual organs can become ‘down there’…. a long lost forgotten land outside the field of our awareness. Or perhaps we do not feel able to ‘be with‘ our sexual feelings in a safe and nourishing way, with deep
presence and love.
Through the Tao Tantric Arts I have discovered, and have gone on to create for myself, meditations which activate ‘ the sexual palace’ (I LOVE this Taoist term!) using attention, sound, intention and movement to deepen my experience of my own sexuality.
Sacred Sexual Meditations provide an assessable way to invite presence into your sexual organs and initiate healing and pathways to pleasure.
#4- the jade egg-goddess technology
The jade egg (yes it is actually an egg made out of jade..) was used by mystical courtesans in the royal palaces of ancient China at a time when the power and preciousness of sexual energy was recognized and actively cultivated as an art form.
In a modern context, the jade egg practices are included in the super yummy nourishing practices of Tao Tantra.
The vibration of the jade gives a crystal healing from the inside and the internal massage from the jade egg exercises increase sensitivity inside the vaginal canal, opening up pleasure spots that may have become desensitized.
The jade egg offers us a way to heal ourselves with awareness, love and consciousness and create an ‘awakened yoni’.
It is best to begin your Jade egg journey with an experienced practitioner who can best guide you to make the most of your practice. All women can benefit from regular jade egg practice! Find out more about the jade egg HERE
#5- CONscIOUS LOVE MAKING
When the time is right, the partner is right, the environment is right.. then BOOM! This is probably the most effective and transformative healing you can get.
When a man can fully embody the unwavering presence and infinite love of Shiva, and he holds you in that, touches you from that, and does not falter in his devoted loving. Then the pure force of that loving presence can undo layers and layers of numbness in just a slight touch.
You do not find a Shiva of this calibre loitering on every street corner but they are out there. If we value ourselves enough, and stand in our truth as Shakti (Shiva’s divine consort) and inhabit our own body as a sacred temple then we radiate a frequency that will, sooner or later, draw in the kind of man who can meet us as the goddess that we are.
Every woman deserves to be seen, Loved, Held and celebrated in this way. And our Yonis truly blossom in the ecstasy of this meeting
We deserve it ! You deserve it!
It is an exciting time! We are remembering that sexual energy is powerful and precious.
Do not forget that there is support out there, and we are all in this together. Women’s workshops and circles provide the safe and supportive spaces to explore who you are as a sexual being, with curiosity and awareness, and with the support of other women.
Whatever works for you, be open, be soft, be loving and also be courageous as you facilitate your relationship to your own sacred sexual experience and reclaim your pleasure potential.
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